Friday, 20 February 2015

I'm a "dating" Christian

Hello my lovelies,

Little disclaimer this is a bit of a long one but I promise it's a goodie & I'm not being bias lol, so grab your cuppa, chicken n chips, fufu light soup, curry whatever it be and enjoy the read.

Recently I've come across a whole load of blog posts about being a christian and married or being a christian and single and it almost gets me thinking. Am I the only "dating" christian. It could almost seem like there is a christian world out there that go from being 2 single people to being married all of sudden but thats not true. We christians date too! 

It is different to what would be seen as "normal" but I just want to get rid of any of those weird theories that people may have of christians and christian dating couples! 

Now I've been dating my fiancé coming up to 5 years and when we get married this August (YAAAAAAY) I hope we will still be "dating", I'll explain what I mean by that later on but for now I'm going to jump right into our dating journey.

We started dating when I was 18, (feels like yoinks ago) and we were both spiritually young but we had a hunger for God! Being that we both had gotten out of really complicated relationships which caused us to often compromise our faith with God, that alone had opened up a giant door within our relationship that was extremely hard to close. That door was SEX! 

In one way it helped as we knew and understood the relationships we wanted to get out of with our previous partners but in the other we knew it could make this journey we are doing together a lot more harder and it was, it was a genuine struggle. But when you are in a relationship where two people are on the same understanding and believe in the same thing they can walk together on that path. Whereas when you partner up with someone who does not believe in the same thing as you be it religion, social beliefs etc. Eventually the two will walk on two separate paths the Bible characterises this as being unevenly yoked. 
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 
(2 Corinthians 6:14)

Now reading all of this some of you maybe thinking this is not for you and you're happy being the way you are and others are probably thinking ok so how can I do this. . . It''s not easy but you have to be determined and understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel. When I'm talking with some of my friends that are christian and are dating there is so much excitement in knowing when we get married there's so much first's that we can enjoy with our husbands; going on holiday together, waking up to each other and let's keep it all the way real having sex together. They are all first's that we can do together. When you play "house" before you get married (if that is something you plan to do) once you are married there is no real excitement about all these things as you have done them all already. That's not to say you won't have a beautiful and flourishing marriage but for me it just to me kills the initial vibe.

So back to what I was saying (lol), I just want to share with you some basic steps that Kai and I applied in our relationship in order to be where we are today :)

1. Be accountable: What I mean by this is being responsible for my actions. For Kai and I we have a mentor couple, who we are very much accountable to. As we are both active members within our churches not only are we responsible for our actions for ourselves but for also those around us and by having our mentor couple they help to check us when we slip up or try and make excuses for our actions whether it be individual or towards each other. Most times when I've thought of something the sole reason I haven't carried it out would be because I know I'd have to later on share it with my mentor and I wouldn't want to be embarrassed so I simply don't do it.

2. Communicate: I cannot stress how important this is. Within a relationship if you don't talk you want know and I say this all the time. We women are great but we are not mind readers lol. It's so important especially those times when you see bae and he be looking kind of fiiinnneeeee. I just gotta take a deep breath, step back from that hug he want to give and be like babe, I'm feeling some type of way. Let me chill and if I'm still feeling like this after 30mins I either have to go home or we can go out somewhere public lol.

3. Be honest: This goes hand in hand with communication. You're only going to hurt yourself or each other if you try and deny or lie or "cover up" what you're feeling. As silly as it may sound or maybe, always be honest!

4. Spend creative time together: I am such a fan of trying out something new and whenever it get to Kai's birthday I am always looking for something different and creative to do. This really helps with us building our relationship together as friends as well as a couple. If you can't be friends with the person you're dating Houston we have a problem! I'll try and list some cool places to try out at the bottom of this post

5. Fellowship with other couples: This is probably one of the coolest things you can do. Double date with others in your shoes! What better way to spend time with your bae along with great friends. I have to say Kai and I are fortunate to have an AWESOME group of friends married, dating and single and we always love time spent together especially when there is food involved (I literally smiled from ear to ear lol, I'm such a foodie). The great thing about this is that these are people that are in the same position as you so there should be no shame in sharing and advising on troubling issues.

6. Set boundaries: I almost forgot to write this point (ooopppsss) But this point right here!!! This is probably the most important point of them all. Set real and honest boundaries. When we started to date we had some strict boundaries, e.g. I would have to be home for 9pm, now as time went on we reviewed those boundaries and they're now pushed to 11pm if it's just us two alone. Other boundaries we've set were no french kissing or no talking on the phone past a certain time. Now I'm sure some may be reading this like this is CRAZY! But honestly when you check it, it's like why do I really need to be doing that at that time? I can guarantee there is probably no legitimate or urgent answer and that time can be used in other ways.

So I challenge you beautiful ladies (and guys if you out there too) try these steps out. The path is not easy but it will honestly be worth it in the end (you can thank me when you're married  lol)
 Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. 
(Matthew 7:13-14)

xo. . .Adorning Cultures 

p.s Some cool places to try out: Swingers crazy golf, Mile end climbing wall, AirHop, Ripley's believe it or not, ZSL London Zoo - during certain months they have zoo in the night which is pretty cool, All star lanes, Bounce, Rileys

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