Friday, 24 June 2016

Young & Married - The Compromise

Hey my loves,

So it's almost been a year since hubby and I got married, and to jump straight in, it has been such a FUN experience. To be able to have someone that doesn't judge, scrutinise or disrespect you is a BLESSING! Why I say that, is because when I look around there are so many broken men and women out there that are treating each other in such a way, why because they are BROKEN. 

I was BROKEN before I got into this relationship, and if I hadn't had the time to check myself and to heal from my wounds, this relationship wouldn't be what it is today. But that's a discussion for another time.

Today I want to talk about the big C; COMPROMISE!! 

When getting into a relationship, everything is lovely, the person your seeing can do NO wrong, they are just the picture of perfection. Now we all know that's a big fat lie. But we want to give off the best impression of ourselves. A year or two into the relationship and true colours start to show, be it OCD, aggression, a fart slip (LOL). But day by day the true image is starting to become clearer. At this point you may start to evaluate whether these are things you can live with, address or walk out of the relationship. If you walk out, you'll probably find yourself walking out of a lot of relationships as there would probably be something with the next person and the person after that and the person after that, because NO ONE is perfect! 

When you decide to live with it, this can start to build up resentment in your heart, little things here and there just getting to you but you think you're being mature by just "ignoring it" but in your heart you still annoyed. Until one day you get to your breaking point and SNAP. I've been there and I just felt like a crazy lady, hoarding up ill feelings in my heart over the pettiest things but because I refused to address them they'd continue.

The final thing is to address it. (This is actually the mature step.) Know one knows what goes on inside each others head, unfortunately meta-humans and mutants aren't a real thing. So as much as we think we "know" a person we never know what is truly going on in their head until we talk about it. And with this there's either a solution or a compromise. 

Growing up I was the youngest but not only that my two sisters were much older than me so at times it felt as I was an only child. I didn't have to share my clothes, my toys were MY toys and throughout time I got stuck in my ways. My sisters would probably say I was spoilt which I wouldn't agree to, but looking back I would say there was a degree of selfishness I had adopted. Now being selfish and in a relationship does not work! And that where I had to learn my first compromise, that it's no longer I or ME, but WE and US. Being married has only reinforced this even more. I can no longer come home and sit and watch tv shows I only like nor can he come home and play FIFA all night long, that would be a very boring relationship. 

When you're married you are no longer two separate people living separate lives, but you are now two people coming together to share one life. And EVERYTHING is a compromise, from what you cook, to date nights and what you watch on the television. There needs to be a compromise. 

1. Be openminded: Be open to trying new things and working things out with your partner.
2. Self-sacrifice: Drop your pride, and remain respectful
3. Be willing: Be willing to accept a compromise.

Not every situation will be simple to resolve but if you're willing to consider the pointers above it might make the situation easier to handle. Work together, marriage is a partnership and not a competition, there's no race, no end goal when you work by yourselves. When working together that's where there is joy, laughter, love and just so much FUN!

It's better to have a partner than to be alone. Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps, but if there's no one to to help, tough!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (The Message version)



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